Merry [CENSORED]!

I stopped by Starbucks on my way to work this morning, and while ordering my drink I was witness to what, unfortunately, has become a common occurrence. The barista wished his patron a “Merry Christmas.” He immediately realized his error, apologized and extended the store-approved greeting, “Happy Holidays.” The “offended” patron was, of course, not offended in the least and expressed that he rather preferred the former greeting. This got me to thinking, just how many Americans are offended by “Merry Christmas?” Thankfully, the Internet knew the answer.

First, I wanted to know how many of us actually celebrate Christmas. A Google search showed that 96% of Americans celebrate Christmas. Ninety-six percent! That’s 291,671,654 of us, compared to 12,152,985 who do not (based on July 2008 population est.). One might be tempted to think at this point that if 96% of the population celebrates Christmas, approximately 96% of the population would not be bothered by “Merry Christmas.” So I did a little more digging.

I next discovered a 2005 Gallup poll on this phenomenon. The poll focused on consumer reaction to retailer approaches concerning the holidays. Here are some of their results:

• 3% of respondents would be bothered by a store displaying the words “Merry Christmas”; 97% would not.
• 32% of respondents would be bothered by a store displaying the words “Happy Holidays” or “Seasons Greetings”; 68% would not.
• 5% of nonreligious respondents would be bothered by a store displaying the words “Merry Christmas”.
• 8% of non-Christians respondents would be bothered by a store displaying the words “Merry Christmas”.

Now, I’m no business owner, but looking at the Gallup data, I would assume the proper course of action would be to inform my employees to wish customers a merry Christmas! That way, I only run the risk of giving 3% of my customers a negative experience, versus 32% if I extend a generic holiday greeting. That is potentially a serious amount of cash money walking out the door.

So why do many businesses insist on banning “Merry Christmas?” I would have to assume that it’s due either to 1) their being caught up in a culture of extreme tolerance or 2) they don’t want to get sued. Regarding 1), this whole tolerance thing is getting a little out of hand. Let’s take an example. Say three people are in your store. Person A is offended by being told, “Merry Christmas.” Person B is offended by being told, “Happy Holidays.” Person C is offended when you don’t acknowledge the season at all. What are you as a store owner to do? No matter what, you will offend someone. How do you choose whom to offend? Or, conversely, to which person will you give preferential treatment? Using tolerance as the “gold standard” by which one acts leads to absurdities such as this. It is a poor foundation on which to build one’s life. The bottom line is, you can’t be tolerant of everyone all the time, so let us dispense with the notion once and for all. Regarding 2), what can I say? The few sue-happy activists are desperately trying to ruin things for us, and the judicial system is letting them. I suppose if I were a giant corporation with deep pockets like Starbucks, this might be sufficient motivation for me to ban “Merry Christmas” from my stores. Better to bother 32% of your customers whom you know won’t sue than tick off the one guy who will.

In the end, I suppose this is a pretty trivial matter. It doesn’t change the fact that 96% of us do celebrate Christmas, or that some of us even celebrate it for the right reason (by the way, it’s Jesus). But it does make me hang my head a bit and wonder how we even got to this point as a country.

Merry Christmas, everyone.